There’s a lot going on in my mind right now and I feel like it’s best if I write a blog post. I don’t really mind if it’s not read by many or anyone at all, but I just feel like writing things down is a stress reducer for me.
I’ve mentioned many times and maybe my regular readers will be fully aware of my passion for writing. I’ve always enjoyed it and even won the ‘Best Writer’ award way back in Year 6 in primary school. My teacher said in the speech he gave about how at 11 years old I could write better than most adults, which was just a shock to me, since I just write how I think.
I think my passion really developed, though, as a teenager. I had a laptop (one of many over the years) and would just write and write. It wasn’t until I joined my local youth website, Wicid, that I realised it genuinely was what I wanted to do for a career. My field of writing changed from fictional to factual. I’ve always been a fan of those teen magazines which talk about celebrities. Not in a bashing tabloid kind of way, but more of a ‘fangirl’ and praising kind of way. I used to read all the magazines. From ‘Girl Talk’ when I was about 6 to 10 before moving onto ‘Sugar’, ‘Shout’, ‘Mizz’ and ‘Bliss’ as I reached secondary school. I think that’s where I picked up my tone of writing – light hearted, cheeky and as if I’m talking to a friend.
Fast forward a few years and I managed to get a job with a pop culture website. I volunteered for two years before gaining a full time job, which was essentially my dream. But one thing stood in the way – my mental health.
After writing for two different websites, early last month I decided to call a time-out. I love writing so much, but with my mental health deteriorating and people needing me to hit deadlines and goals, it was turning my passion into a pit of pure fear. The thing I knew I was good at and enjoyed doing became more like a chore. Of course, I know not all writing will be fun fun fun in a job, but when my mental health is taking a toll on me, it can really make getting out of bed hard, let alone completing articles for a company.
Cutting writing out of my life completely was also a problem. With bi polar, you get manic and depressive episodes. During my manics, I love to write. I can write so much. In fact, here’s a secret – most of the ‘Celebrity Bargain Buy’ posts from November were written in one day. It was during a manic mode and I was going full steam ahead. Of course, I scheduled them over the month, but they were mostly all written before the 10th November. I love creating new ideas and coming up with content, it’s just something that I’m passionate for. I’m currently going through a patch of depression (though I’m not as bad as I used to be, many believe that depression is never fully cured and I think I believe that, too) so it’s been hard to have a normal, happy, busy life like most people. But when I need an escape, when I feel somewhat okay but not to the point where I can resume living life in a more balanced mindset, blogging is really my escape. I can forget about the pessimistic thoughts that swamp my mind and just write. Write about anything I want. And there’s no deadlines, either. It’s all as and when I want to do things.
Do I want to make blogging a career? I don’t know. I’ve become more involved in blogging communities and look to other bloggers in awe with their success, but I don’t know if that’s where my heart lies right now. But the truth is, I don’t even know if I want to continue my passion for pop journalism. My head is so full of dark, grey clouds that I’m not sure of anything. But what I do know is that I’m really enjoying the moments where I can blog and feel proud of the content I’ve produced. I know it’s not to everyone’s taste, but you can’t please everyone. I’m just having some fun and experimenting with my own writing skills as well as doing work which could be considered to be of use for my portfolio.
Anyway, I just thought I’d share my midnight thoughts with you. Sometimes writing like this is helpful alone.
Why is blogging important to you? Is it your full-time career or would you like it to be? I’d love to hear your blogging stories in the comments below.