The Anxiety Files: habits and safety blankets

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I originally planned to write this series in chronological order. ie: when I first got diagnosed, what happened with my relationships of friends, family and the like. But I don’t feel like going in order anymore. I just want to write about what I feel more ready to talk about in time. And, like my anxiety, it’s all a mess, so the order these posts come will reflect in that mess of my mental health. Anyway.

After recently talking to a friend who also has anxiety about habits and safety blankets, I felt like it was the ideal time to talk about it here, while it’s still fresh in my mind of the discussions we had. A lot of people with anxiety or any kind of mental health issue seem to have habits and safety blankets and I am 100% one of those people. I thought I’d talk through some of mine and why I feel they benefit or impact me.

My biggest safety blanket is probably my phone. Now, I know a lot of people are going to dub me a typical millennial for this, but hear me out. My phone is like a connection back to safety. I can talk to my mother as and when needed, I can reach out to other friends and family if I need to. It’s also ideal for any emergencies, whether I’m calling 999 or getting in contact with someone for the right reasons. I also get very anxious talking to people – especially the less I know them. My phone is sort of like a mask to help me cover the awkward and anxiousness. If you take that phone from out of my hands, I will start to act weird. I will pull at things because my hands need something to project how I feel – the nervousness and twitches. Once, I was in a meeting with my head of year back in school and I was so nervous, I pulled at my watch strap until it broke clean off. Everyone awkwardly stared at the watch, then at me and my heart felt like the beat of a drum at a loud pop rock concert with some hot drummer beating out the notes. I’ve broken multiple things – wrist watches, shoe straps (sitting in a chair and reaching my arm to my shoe to pull at it), pieces of plastic from clothing tags that won’t break so easily – the list is pretty long. I don’t know my own physical strength until it comes to anxiety where I could almost turn hulk. If there’s nothing in my hands, I will dig my fingers into my palms, leaving nail marks so deep that sometimes I bleed. “But Jazz, what about stress toys?” Did that, saw the movie, bought the t-shirt. The toys ended up breaking. Stress balls were ripped to shreds and these tough tangle toys that aren’t meant to break easily… well, they snapped pretty quickly. And with my phone, I can ‘casually’ glance at it – probably at nothing important… maybe a text from my phone provider, a tweet from an artist I follow or a notification from an app – making me seem less anxious.

Does it make me look ignorant? Maybe. But this is where I’m coming from. If someone is checking their phone, but still in the conversation with you, don’t instantly assume they’re being ignorant. They could have anxiety and this could be their safety blanket. If I’m still able to carry the conversation with you while looking at my phone, that means I’m still listening. It means I am engaging, but I’m more than likely trying to put my anxious feelings at bay by playing it off cool and trying to calm my inner monologue from talking as rapidly as a commentator for the horse races. Because that’s what my mind is like when I’m anxious. Thoughts rushing at 100pmh, the slight nauseous feeling, palms sweating, knees week (mom’s spaghetti… wait… sorry… this isn’t an Eminem karaoke night. Forgive me.) and my throat dryer than a fucking desert.

What I’m trying to get at, though, is some people need safety blankets. My phone is mine and if it is not charged or broken, I cannot go outside. Full stop. Not because I’m so infatuated with today’s technology (that’s another story.) but it’s something that helps me in many ways. People who don’t have a need for ‘safety blankets’ don’t tend to think about others needing one. They may see myself or someone else on their phone and think of us as obnoxious, which is kind of unfair. I’m not asking you to instantly assume that a person is not being ignorant, but what I’m asking is that if you’re reading this, you make a mental note in the back of your mind to maybe not be so judgemental about someone on their phone. I’ve heard people talk behind my back about me being on my phone and I get upset and anxious again because the last thing I want to do is come off as ignorant or rude. But I need this. I need something with me.

Another thing which kind of goes with safety blankets is habits. I have so many. In fact, if I list them all we will be here a while. So I’m just going to try and focus on some major ones.

Now, I know nobody really knows what happens in other people’s minds, but let me try and explain the inside of mine for you. Imagine a small room. And there’s about 50 boxes. Some stacked on top of others, some tipped over, open wide. Now imagine lots of holograms beaming out of these boxes. Each one playing something irrelevant to the other one. Then there’s about 3 different songs playing. Maybe one like a scratched record playing just a snippet of a song. Another just playing an annoying song from maybe your childhood or an annoying TV ad. And then there’s just one which is a little louder than the rest playing one song over and over. There’s a mess on the floor. And it’s almost like there 17 tabs on an internet browser, each one playing noise of some sort – maybe dialect from a TV or movie show, another a conversation, one is your inner voice trying to guide you through life. And the rest are incoherent babblings. You can’t quite work out what it is, but it’s like noise. Constantly. Then there’s another voice. Maybe like you in a sarcastic tone. And it judges. Every. Thing. You. Do. That’s my mind. Of course, I don’t really visualise that, but to bring it into a form of visionary for you to understand, that’s how I’d best describe it. It’s like that non stop. Even when I’m trying to relax, or sleep. While I’m talking to people, while I’m trying to concentrate. It’s been like this all my life. I used to think that was “normal” until as I got older and spoke to more people, I realised it wasn’t. Now, when I’m trying to concentrate or talk or read aloud, this intensifies. Maybe by 5 or 10 or even up to 20 times more – depending how anxious I feel. It means I stumble when I’m reading or trying to do something scripted in my head. I used to be really good at reading aloud – I was in the highest reading level in my primary school and about 5 years ahead of my age’s capability. But as anxiety has defeated me more and more overtime, that chaos in my head has intensified and that judgemental side of me is like someone trying to dictate every little thing I do and pressurising me. “Read that word, that one comes later, look up, no look at what you’re reading.”

So, I guess you could say overthinking is definitely a big habit of mine. It gets worse when I begin to over analyse things. And I do that. A LOT.

Another habit of mine is getting into ruts. When I get too anxious or my bi-polar swings to the depressive side of the moodswing pendulum, I get into major ruts. I can sleep for hours and hours. Sometimes I can only be awake for up to four hours. And then when I am awake, it’s in the middle of the night. Want to know a secret? That’s what’s happening to me right now. It’s 1:50am as I type this sentence and I’m sitting in the conservatory with my two dogs as they try to sleep and the music channel playing the role of my only real company right now. I’ve gotten into this rut originally because I’m fighting a cold and slept a lot to try and get over it. But with a physical illness sparks my mental illness intensifying. And so depressive mode is back and I’m here, alone. Again. I don’t enjoy being up and awake on my own. Well, most of the time, anyway. For an hour or two it can be nice because for once I’m in charge of the TV and can watch what I want. I can have some me time. But after that, the state of loneliness kicks in. Especially when I wake up at around 3pm, the majority of the day is done and I see people talking about what they’ve achieved in their hours out of slumber, while I spent my day unconscious and alone. Again. It’s not a habit I like. I detest it. But sometimes it’s so easy to just fall into the rut. Especially when my mind isn’t in a good place.

Anyway, I thought I’d share this in hopes that I can maybe reach out to someone who may not have someone to talk to, read this and then realise that what they are going through isn’t abnormal for the issues they’re facing. Because I know I’m not the only one who experiences this. Maybe not in the exact same way as others, but similarly there are people who said they go through something like this.

Have you picked up any anxious habits or safety blankets?


  • Introduction to The Anxiety Files

Welcome to The New Dynasty

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Warning: This post is long, so grab a cup of tea or a snack and settle down to read!

Saturday nights are usually what people look forward to all week and for me, it was no different. Except instead of putting my glad rags on and heading to the clubs or flopping out on the sofa to watch ‘The X Factor’ (the latter is usually the norm for me) I was heading into Cardiff with my friend, Alysha, to be reunited with my other friend, Camryn.

“Have you got questions prepared?” Alysha asked me as we greeted each other.
“Of course. We’re testing her knowledge on the UK.”
“Cool. So, shall we go get the food now or later?”

You see, instead of meeting up with Camryn to go shopping on Queen Street or grabbing a bite to eat, we’d be interviewing her. Wait, backtrack… who interviews their friends? That’s kind of weird, Jazz. Right? Except Camryn is a singer. Scratch that. She’s a teen pop-rock star living out the dream of millions of musicians even up to double her age.

Stop the tape and rewind to a few years ago, when I was some plucky teen fangirl with a passion for the Disney Channel stars of 2008 such as Miley Cyrus, Demi Lovato and the Jonas Brothers, I used to regularly check a website called ‘Cambio’. I was flicking through the articles when I saw one about an 11-year-old musician and naturally since she wasn’t much younger than me, I decided to check her out. That’s when I came across Camryn. She was promoting one of her earlier singles, ‘Wait and See’. After giving it a listen and watching the video, I definitely found myself into her music. Click, click, click – I followed her social media. She’d pop up on my Twitter timeline regularly with various posts on things she was working on, including touring with teen pop sensations Cody Simpson and Greyson Chance. A few years later I was reading a magazine and a familiar face with blonde hair with a glistening smile – it was Camryn. It talked about how she was touring with One Direction in the states along with an interview with her. I hadn’t seen anything about her in the UK yet so I snapped a picture and tweeted it to her only for her to thank me and share it on her socials. I’d tweet her now and then and she’d normally reply which was always nice.

One day, she announced something pretty big and exciting – she was the opening act for One Direction’s UK & European leg of their world arena tour. And guess what? It included Cardiff. I was beyond excited. Of course, I loved One Direction but I’d been supporting Camryn for so long that I had to see her or just be able to say hi outside the arena. I checked Ticketmaster. SOLD OUT. Dammit. Oh well, if I can’t be there, I should at least message her to congratulate her and recommend places to check out if she had the time in between shows, right? I messaged her Facebook page where we ended up talking. I told her about how I wanted to be a pop culture journalist and it was on my bucket list to interview her for the youth website I was writing for. To my surprise, she was totally up for meeting in Cardiff for me to do just that and gave me the details of her publicist. After working with the editor of CLIConline (R.I.P) alongside her publicist, we sorted out a time and place for the interview, which I was extremely nervous for. This was my first proper interview in person. Sure, I’d done bits and pieces for the site before, but this was huge for me. Needless to say it went pretty well; I met Camryn – who was lovely as expected – and she and her manager even hooked me up with tickets to the show. It was incredible and was where I discovered my love for 5 Seconds of Summer. To Camryn, that was one of many interviews she’s done in her career, but for me it was something big. It helped me realise this was something I wanted to do as a career. It’s ultimately what helped me decide I wanted to take pop journalism seriously. And I did. If you know me, you’ll be well aware of some of the crazy experiences I’ve had and interviews I’ve done – from YouTube phenomenon Tyler Oakley and even Oscar award winners from Disney’s Big Hero 6. It’s insane and I’d like to think that little interview with Camryn in 2013 had a big impact on that.

When we first met in 2013

When we first met in 2013

A little over three years later and Camryn was back in town and this time supporting American girl band, Fifth Harmony. We had both grown over time; me being newly-turned 21 and her now 17 and back with a brand new EP and total maturity in her sound. Of course, we’ve kept in touch over the years and I even befriended some of her band and team. I asked United By Pop kindly if they could help me arrange an interview with Camryn for their site to which they happily agreed to. After some sorting out, we had arranged to meet at the venue. Alysha, who played my the role of my right hand woman and camera operator for the day (as well as great company) and I met up with Camryn and her manager, Lesley and greeted each other before heading to the tour bus which would act as our studio for the interview. We had a lot of bags with us and all for Camryn and her crew – which they loved. My lovely friend Lily had hooked us up with some amazing LUSH products for both Camryn and her crew and we bought a tin of chocolates to say thank you to them all (it was thanks to her drummer, Justin, that we had 3 free tickets on the guest list for that night’s show – so it would be crazy not to thank him and the band for meeting us as well as Camryn and her manager for setting up this opportunity) They were delighted with the gifts and we had a chat about the last time Camryn and I had met as well as the support account Alysha and I ran to help promote her. After a few minutes of nattering, we began to film. We decided to do two segments – one where I’d quiz Camryn on knowledge on the UK and another where she’d try some well known British snacks, both proving to be a lot of fun.

Reunited x

Reunited x

We must have spent almost two hours on the bus. In between working on content for United By Pop, we took some short videos and pictures for the fansite as well as some Instax photos for competitions. Camryn even threw in some signed flyers and one personalised one each for myself and Alysha as a token of gratitude for supporting her. We even got to take a picture for my scrapbook which I’m filling for my year as 21.


Alysha, Camryn and I on the tour bus

Alysha, Camryn and I on the tour bus


Something to remember the day by

Something to remember the day by

We soon said our “see you laters” as we agreed to bring Lily, who was the proud third guest we’d be bringing along to the show, to meet Camryn and the band to introduce her as the girl behind the amazing gifts we had previously given them. She would have come along to the interview, but unfortunately had to work.

After a few hours in Cardiff to grab a bite to eat and meet up with Lily, we returned to the venue to pick up our tickets from the guest list. There seemed to be a problem and we began to get nervous, so we messaged Justin who along with Lesley managed to sort things out and we were given the tickets for the show. We weren’t expecting seats as amazing as we were given – we would have been happy with seats at the back, since this show was Fifth Harmony’s headliner and we were just guests, but we managed to be seated in the fifth row from the front in the middle – a perfect view of the stage and to catch the eye of Camryn and the band when they performed their set.

In the crowd waiting for the show to begin

In the crowd waiting for the show to begin

Of course, my girl rocked the stage and it was overwhelming to see how many people wanted to meet her before the main act graced the arena with their performance. We hung around until the end to make sure all fans had their chance to meet Camryn so we stood with Lesley and talked for a little while. To see at least a hundred fans wanting to meet the girl I’d been supporting and friends with since day one was incredible, especially in Wales as she wasn’t as well known on her first visit. It melted my heart to hear parents talk to their daughters and asking if they wanted to dye their hair the same as Camryn’s bold blue and their skip step back to their seats with excitement in their eyes after meeting the teen rocker moments before. Cam then came over to join us and meet Lily before grabbing a picture with her and signing an autograph. Everyone thanked her for the presents and, let’s be honest, everyone LOVES Lush products. We talked for a little while before Camryn had to leave to do some college work and we arranged to meet with the band before leaving after the show.


Rocking the stage! –  Image credit to Lily


It was emotional but exciting to see her perform again

It was emotional but exciting to see her perform again – Image credit to Lily

Now, I know Harmonizers will be kinda mad at me, but I’m not the biggest Fifth Harmony fan. I appreciate them and their music, but they’re just not my go-to artists to listen to. However, I will say that their performance on Saturday was pretty fricking awesome and myself, Alysha and Lily definitely enjoyed ourselves. Except the inflatable balls they kicked about where practically every single ball in the room decided to land on my head (which, by the way, I was slowly getting a headache following a long day). In my line of work, Fifth Harmony are known as a ‘priority act’ thanks to their huge popularity among fans across the world, so it was nice to finally see them live and be able to gain a new found respect for them and their music.

Fifth Harmony

Cardiff gave Fifth Harmony a warm welcome to Wales – Image credit to Lily

We left the show a little early as Alysha had to be ready to catch her train home and we wanted to say hey to the band whom we have known for a while but never got to meet in person. It was great to finally talk face to face and get some pictures as well as talk about the show and our general interest in music as a whole.

Finally meeting Justin (with Austin and Alysha photobombing :P)

Finally meeting Justin (with Austin and Alysha photobombing :P)


Austin (guitarist) and I

Austin (guitarist) and I


Ronnie (bassist) and I

Ronnie (bassist) and I

Before we knew it, it was time to go – Camryn was still doing college work and our lifts were on their way. We said our goodbyes and agreed to meet up again the next time they’re back in the UK, this time hopefully a lot sooner than three years. I have a lot of faith in Camryn, especially for gaining a European fanbase on this tour with Fifth Harmony.

It was an amazing day overall and I had so much fun seeing Camryn again as well as finding a love for Fifth Harmony’s music and of course spending time with my friends Alysha and Lily.

A massive thank you to Lesley for arranging everything and being so nice, the band for just being awesome (especially Justin for the tickets) and of course my girl, Camryn, who I am so beyond proud of. Seeing her go from a little girl from Denver, Colorado with some cute pop songs to touring with some of Pop’s biggest acts of our generation and evolving as an artist overall is just so overwhelming in the best way possible. I cannot wait to see what’s next for her. By the way, you can listen to her EP,New Dynasty,right here and follow our fan support account @CamrynWales.

Alos a huge thank you to Alysha for acting as assistant for me with the interview process and running the fan account and of course Lily for coming along and providing the lovely gifts. Lily also blogs, which you can check out here.🙂



Birthday in Brighton

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Well, it’s finally happened – I turned 21. Not sure how, though, since I still feel 12. But you know, that’s how science and stuff works.

To celebrate the milestone birthday, I went to the sunny seaside town of Brighton with my mother and gran before meeting with some friends who lived close by. One in particular, Emi, is an internet friend of mine who originally lives in Arizona, United States. She’s currently in Brighton for a few months on an international study course. We have known each other for almost four years and when she told me she was going to be there studying for a few months and recommended I came to visit, it made perfect sense to take the celebrations of my birth to the ever popular tourist town. I also have a few friends in England who write for the same website as me, so to meet up with Lizzy, Hannah and Verity and invite them along to party with us was a wise idea.

After the hell of a journey from South Wales to Brighton and a deadly walk to our hotel (we underestimated the distance. A lot.) we arrived at the Holiday Inn, our home for the next 48 hours. Earlier in the week, we called to try and get a twin room rather than a double as my mother has recently had an injury which involves the use of crutches for a short period of time and needs the space. She mentioned it was my big birthday and the upgraded us complimentary to an executive room, which was a present in itself. It meant that I was blessed with a king sized bed for the weekend and my mother and gran had a fairly decent sized place to slumber themselves.

View from the balcony

View from the balcony

Shortly after check in and dumping our stuff, Emi arrived outside the hotel and I headed downstairs to meet her. We squealed like two little school girls and ran to embrace one another, with other guests laughing and smiling as it was clear we hadn’t seen each other for a while if not at all. To finally meet someone I grew up speaking to online was such a blessing and I can confirm she’s just as an amazing person in person as she is online. Sorry Nev, no Catfish to reel in here!

Moments after we met!

Moments after we met!

Following the meet with Emi, we all headed in a taxi to Churchill Square where we met Lizzy and Hannah before venturing around some shops. Churchill Square shopping center is much more lavish in comparison to St David’s in Cardiff, though for size it’s nowhere near as big. Still, I always enjoy exploring new places when it comes to retail therapy. Shopping done and we hopped into another taxi and finally made it to the place I had been anticipating for months – Brighton Pier.

British cuisine at its finest

British cuisine at its finest

The pier is honestly so pretty and full of the fun fair lifestyle you see in the movies; from different kiosks to attractions, shops and of course, the rides. We headed to Palmers Court for the classic British delicacy of fish and chips. Being from America and only arriving here two weeks ago, Emi had yet to try this well-known meal and so I had to film her reaction for both my vlog and a video to put on Facebook. Needless to say, she very much enjoyed it, even if the fish was too big to finish. I just stuck with a tray of chips, being vegetarian and totally oblivious to the fact that there were onion rings. Had I been aware, I definitely could have demolished some since the long journey had definitely got me feeling hungry.

Being on the pier at night was such a thrilling experience

Being on the pier at night was such a thrilling experience

The sky’s gradient became darker as Emi and I wandered the pier and watched all the rides, making notes of the ones we wanted to check out the next day. There were a variety to choose from – ones that spun you around and around, turned you upside down, threw you from side to side and even did a loop-de-loop; we were fascinated by them all and were eager to get a wristband for unlimited access to them all. Before we knew it, day one was done and we said our goodbyes but not before pre-arranging plans for the next day.

The following morning I was awoken from my slumber by my mother who greeted me with a ‘Happy Birthday’ in a sing-song voice, before piling up my cards and presents on the king sized bed I had slept in for the past eight hours, which by the way was such a good night’s sleep. I opened my presents and was thrilled with everything I had; from makeup to jewellery, books and even American chocolate – I was definitely thankful for everything. My gran then woke up and greeted me on my special day before I proceeded to open the presents she had bought me. We then headed downstairs for breakfast to gain fuel for our day ahead of us.

I wasn't very photogenic at that time of day...

I wasn’t very photogenic at that time of day…

Filled up on breakfast, we flagged down another taxi and headed back to Churchill Square where we met Emi and trekked to The Lanes, where we visited the ice cream parlour, Boho Gelatos – a place where British YouTube couple, Zoe Sugg and Alfie Deyes had recommended to their viewers – and tried some homemade ice cream. Honestly, it was the best ice cream I had ever tasted. The flavours were so pungent and didn’t taste artificial in the slightest. I highly recommend visiting there if you’re ever in Brighton.

Boho Gellato - home to some of the best ice cream known to man (in my opinion)

Boho Gelato – home to some of the best ice cream known to man (in my opinion)

Ice cream devoured and we found ourselves at Choccywoccydoodah – the famous chocolate shop in Brighton who then ventured out to London. If you aren’t aware of this place, it’s so well known for its chocolate art that it has its own TV show. They cater for the stars, politicians – you name it, they’ve probably served them. It was here my mother had ordered my birthday cake as we are both fans of the show, so it was pretty exciting to be able to go there. Of course, we had to have a nosey around and though it’s an incredible place, it’s a very small store with many tourists waiting to visit, so it was a very tight squeeze. For someone who doesn’t like small places, it was slightly scary but the fantastic edible art distracted me from the small defined space.


The highly popular chocolatiers


One of the many amazing cakes


Literal edible art

Souvenirs bought and cake picked up, it was time for yet another taxi journey, this time heading to Talk of Tea where we would be devouring sandwiches, drinking cups of tea and celebrating with cake. It was at this point that Hannah and Verity joined us for the afternoon tea and everyone became acquainted with one another, before the big (and embarrassing) moment where a candle was lit and ‘Happy Birthday’ was sung to me. It was an awkward 20 seconds for me before making a wish and blowing out the candle, but it was soon over.

This photo literally does not do the cake justice

This photo literally does not do the cake justice

After the tea, my friends and I decided to head back to the pier where we went on rides. I was intrigued to try the haunted house ride and though not great with jump scares, Emi was a trooper and accompanied on the ride. Our screams could be heard from inside of the ride – hers full of fear and mine full of amusement. It got to the point where I found it so funny that I was in silence laughing and almost incapable of breathing. The kind of laugh that makes your sides feel they’re about to split. We all decided to take a turn on the bumper cars and that’s where we found out why Emi has her license and I do not. I absolutely suck at driving dodgem cars, so I dread to think what I’d be like at the real thing!




With Verity, Hannah and Emi


The scenery of Brighton was aesthetically pleasing

The scenery of Brighton was aesthetically pleasing

From time on the rides to time in the arcades, we did a bit of everything that tourists do before saying our goodbyes to Hannah and Verity who needed to get home. Emi and I walked back to the hotel to meet once again with my family before heading to the i360 – a brand new attraction known as a vertical cable car, taking you over 450 feet into the air and giving you an incredible 360 view of Brighton. After a short period of waiting, we headed into the viewing deck along with many other visitors and were hoisted up into the air and above all buildings. The views were magnificent and breathtakingly beautiful. There was a bar on board and Emi and I decided to treat ourselves to a (very expensive) glass of champagne, only to find out it was a taste to my disliking. Oh well, you’re only 21 once, right?

The i360 - it's taller than you'd think

The i360 – it’s taller than you’d think


Brighton from above

Brighton from above




Following our time on the i360, Emi and I quickly caught a bus back to her place for her to give me the present she had bought me (a fall scented candle from Bath and Body Works in America) which she had previously forgot to bring with her, then headed back to the hotel for a meal in the hotel’s restaurant – Stock Burger – which was delicious. By the time we had finished eating, the night was getting old and knowing we didn’t have much time left together, Emi and I headed back to my room where we sat out on the balcony and did what we do best – talked. Having known each other for four years, we’d definitely been through a lot together, even though our friendship being solely based on our online presence. We talked about the past, the present and things we plan to do in the future. It was so nice to be able to have some time with her and do what we normally do but face to face, rather than behind a keyboard and a million miles between us.

A heart to heart on the balcony

A heart to heart on the balcony

The day was done and we said our goodbyes, giving each other a big hug and promising to meet up again soon, with Emi agreeing to visit Wales before heading back to Arizona at the end of the year.

And just like that, my time in Brighton had come to an end. I tucked myself into the king sized bed and listened to music before falling asleep, trying my best to get as much shut-eye possible before the long and tiring journey that followed the next day.
This was without a doubt the best birthday ever and an amazing way to kick off my time as a 21-year-old. I’d like to thank everyone who spent the weekend with me and everyone who sent me well wishes – it was the best time and a weekend away I had needed for so long. Here’s to 21!



The Anxiety Files: my experiences with mental health

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I thought I’d start a new series on this blog in hopes that I can help other people or maybe spark a conversation amongst other people. There is a big stigma attached to mental health and for some reason, people think talking about your experiences publicly (or at all) means you’re “attention seeking”. I’ve experienced this with both strangers and friends alike and as much as it hurts and makes me feel like closing up, I’ve learnt that it’s important to push past that. It’s important to fight through the people who create the stigma and talk out because after all, 1 in 4 people are dealing with a mental health issue and there still isn’t enough being done about it.

I was first diagnosed with anxiety at 10 years old back in 2006, but have always been a person with a “nervous” personality and I suppose things first began getting worse around 2005. The past eleven years have been an absolute rollercoaster with experiences I’d never wish on even my enemies, but I feel like it’s important to take the good out of the bad and since more and more people are being diagnosed, that people talking about their experiences is so important because it’s a topic not nearly discussed enough. There’s also a lot of different ways people experience their mental health and while it’s simple to give out symptoms for a broken leg or asthma, it’s not so easy with something like anxiety or bi polar.

I wanted to create this first introductory post to give you an idea what my intentions are, but also ask if there’s anything you’d like to see me talk about. I know there are many people out there who don’t have people to talk to and I’m more than willing to share experiences if it means that someone somewhere is benefiting from it. Feel free to comment below or email me.

So, keep your eyes peeled on this blog as I’ll be doing what I can to be informative and helpful as possible, because at the end of the day, we are all in the same boat and it’s crucial we stick together.





Disney Nerd: My top 10 Disney films

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Disney Nerd header


Disney films are without a doubt my favourite films of all, but to narrow it down to a top ten has been a very difficult task for me, as a Disnerd, to accomplish. However, after a long thought (and discussion with my mother), I’ve managed to pick a top ten.  I’ve based this on the Walt Disney films and not included live actions or Disney Pixar. These are in order and took a LOT of thought, so without further ado…

10.Lady and The Tramp


This canine love story is one that definitely pulls at my heart strings and as someone who prefers dogs over people, this is such a lovely film I enjoy curling up to watch. The soundtrack is beautiful, with ‘Bella Notte’ being my favourite song from the entire film.

9.The Aristocats


Even if you’re a dog > cat person, it’s impossible to not love the tale of this feline family as they try and venture home to their mansion in Paris. The songs are catchy and the entire storyline is full of family friendly comedy and a plot to win you over and really make everybody want to be a cat.

8.The Lion King


A true classic. The Lion King is a beautiful and emotional film but has the equal balance of comedy for it not to break your heart too much (Mufasa’s death anyone? Still gets me going even today.) The scenery of the film is gorgeous with the African colour scheme and beautiful wild animals. Of course, another film full of songs which will be etched in your mind for many years, including the famous ‘Circle of Life’, it’s no wonder the film inspired a Broadway/West End show.



Starring the late Robin Williams, this is definitely one of his most finest pieces of work with the chucklesome Genie really being what makes this movie what it is. Of course, we can’t forget about the leading Aladdin and Princess Jasmine, who both share a beautiful love story, but where would a Disney film be without a splash of laughter?

6.A Goofy Movie


To me, this film is highly underrated. A member of the classic Disney films, Goofy, takes his son Max, on a trip of a lifetime, which can only go wrong in true Goofy style. Another film with a great soundtrack full of toe-tapping hits, this film is one that any person who considers themselves a Disney fan needs to see in their lifetime.



I used to watch this film every Sunday at my Gran’s without fail. Differing from most Disney princess fairytales, this tells the story of Powhatan Indian princess Pocahontas and English explorer, John Smith. Coming from two different worlds who are against one another, Pocahontas and John Smith are brought together during John’s search for a New World before falling for one another. The beautiful animation really introduces a historic native culture to the world and shares the love story of the diverse love interests. Definitely a classic almost forgotten from the Disney films.

4.Beauty and the Beast


Who couldn’t be in love with Beauty and the Beast? From the hearty characters and the well known songs, not to mention the beautiful animation by Disney. Another wonderful story which teaches that love is love and not defined by a person’s looks. Plus, how amazing is Gaston? One of the best villains going. As much as he isn’t a feminist, you just love to hate him and his selfishness.

3.Sleeping Beauty


Another Disney princess film I adore is Sleeping Beauty. The magic and thrill of it all is so enticing and I’m absolutely in love with the three good fairies.  The fact that even though they are unaware of who the other person is, Aroura and Phillip are willing to fight for one another’s love, though it ends up they were destined to be together all along. Thank goodness they were actually going to be set up with each other the entire time, right?

2. Peter Pan


A definite close second, the entire story of Peter Pan and the idea of Neverland has had me in awe since a little girl. A world where growing up doesn’t exist and adventure awaits is truly something I admire and long to exist. Although the music, animation and characters were what appealed to me most as a child, perhaps now at an older age where I’m becoming a young woman with many responsibilities and fear the future is the reason I truly have fallen in love with Neverland.

1. 101 Dalmatians


Of course, having owned four dalmatians of my own, it’s no surprise that this is my number one Disney film of all time. I’ve been obsessed since I was quite literally a baby and owned more than a fair few hundred of stuffed Dalmatian toys. The thought of that many dogs actually does excite me, despite being a lot of work and for some reason unknown, the breed has always been one I’ve been most attracted to when it comes to dogs. I love to hate Cruella and following the puppies as they prove that dogs are in fact smarter than you think is such an exciting and entertaining story which I love to relive again and again.


What are your top 10 Disney films – are any of them mentioned above? Comment below because I love to talk Disney!