Starting Again

Hello!

Wow, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? Life has been pretty much of a whirlwind since my last post and I just lost the time and ability to be able to post. I’ve been thinking about blogging this whole time, but trying to find the time and the right kind of content to produce has been so difficult. So much has happened that I thought I would give an update in this post to fill you in.

New opportunities

Shortly after I returned home from Disneyland Paris, my friend Jodie asked me to join The Honey POP, a brand new online pop culture magazine run by fans, for fans. I was so excited to be part of something new with some familiarity from past experience. Things pretty much were chaotic from the beginning and truthfully that’s what took up so much of my time. I was appointed such big roles and we have achieved so much in such a short amount of time. Things like accumulating 5 million views in less than a year, interviewing some amazing names, and earning a loyal readership with praise from fans, artists, and their labels. It’s been so incredible. I’ve made so many amazing friends and have had some incredible experiences. The vast majority of our lifespan has been during the pandemic which put a bunch of obstacles in our way, but it also makes me feel even more proud of what we’ve done because we’ve succeeded despite how much has been thrown at us.

I’m currently taking a hiatus from the site due to health reasons (more on that later) but I am still so in awe of everything we are doing. I’m so excited to get back to doing what I love. With my health changing, I’ve had to make the decision to change things like putting an unlimited amount of time and dedication into the site and putting in regular limited time for my own well-being which honestly does suck considering that when I’m passionate about something I want to give it my everything, but I also need to learn more about pacing myself and knowing when to stop before I burn out. It’s a difficult lesson, but I’m slowly starting to learn it. And I’m also realising that by taking time out it means I am actually able to do more because I won’t be as exhausted or run down as if I try and do more from sun up till sundown (and then some.)

New special interests

Since joining The Honey POP I’ve become a KPOP stan! I’ll be honest, I’ve been intrigued about KPOP for some time but I am so stubborn at trying new things. When it became a big topic over at THP, I fell in love with it. It was BTS who truly got me hooked. During one of my flare-ups, I was sleeping for days on end. By the fifth day, I was eventually awake in the early hours of the morning and I logged on to chat with the team because I felt lonely, having not had much contact with literally anyone for so long. The KPOP team over at THP was getting ready to watch The Late Late Show with James Corden and BTS were the guests. I decided to join in as something to do. The interview, the performance, and then their little game of hide and seek truly captured my heart and I just knew I was going to become an ARMY. Falling in love with BTS got me through difficult times with my health as well as the pandemic, and I’m really enjoying being a fan and supporting them. There’s just so much to love about them. For starters, the music they make has messages that hold the same values as me. When you think about it, there are so many songs about love and lust these days, but BTS truly go all out with their variety of themes. In recent years they’ve done a full concept inspired by Carl Jung’s Map of the Soul. They’ve also Other themes include the pressures of society on youth, learning to love and accept yourself for who you are, mental health and so much more. And don’t get me started on how many genres they’ve dabbled in! But on top of all of that, they’re just seven great, down-to-Earth, funny, and charismatic guys to who so many people of all ages and backgrounds can relate to. And I love that.

Not long after getting into BTS, I started to become a fan of other groups. I listen to a number of KPOP artists now, including Tomorrow X Together, BLACKPINK, Stray Kids, SHINee, AleXa, and more! It’s been so fascinating learning about the KPOP industry and the differences between that and western music and fandom which is something I’ve been interested in my whole life. I’m also engrossed in witnessing a whole new genre of music thrive and rise internationally. I’ve never seen anything like this happen before, so this has been such fun and I truly hope I get to go to my first KPOP concert soon.

New Diagnoses

The past few years health-wise have been a challenge, to say the least. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2019 and my symptoms have definitely worsened over time. To tell you the truth, I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t in pain. It’s been difficult to adapt and also hard to accept that I’m not able to do as much as I used to be able to, but I’m starting to make the changes and speak up more about my needs.

Another diagnosis, which was kind of a relief, was ADHD. As I shared a while back, I was given the late diagnosis of Autism and since then I’ve learnt so much. I’ve found the reasoning behind specific quirks of mine, about the Actually Autistic community and how there’s still such a misunderstanding about autism today. I also learnt along the way that comorbidities are very common and that about 80% of autistic people also have ADHD. Some things about myself were still yet to be explained when learning more about autism and it didn’t take too long when in the Neurodivergent community to find that actually, I could be combined autistic with ADHD. I finally got an assessment late November of last year and it made so much sense. Autism and ADHD can also clash and contradict in a number of ways which makes the whole concept of existing in a neurotypical world all that more interesting (and challenging.) I was diagnosed with combined ADHD (attentive and hyperactive) and I’m currently trying to work out different medication dosages in order to focus more. When I was first put on my meds I was able to finally read a book after so long and honestly, it felt amazing! I’m still trying to get things right in terms of meds where I don’t have negative side effects from too much of a high dose but also make sure the dose is doing enough to actually help me. It’s a difficult challenge, but I know it’s important to make sure everything is right.

I’ve also recently had Covid after doing my best to avoid it at all costs for two years. It really took a toll on me, especially with my pre-existing conditions, and I’m still struggling to get over it, as are both my mother and stepdad. I’ve been clear for about a week now, though I’m definitely not out of the woods in terms of symptoms yet. My fatigue is even more intense and my chest hurts a lot. Walking really has an impact on me and my breathing, and walking upstairs really takes a toll on me. For example, I came here upstairs about 20 minutes ago and my chest still hurts. I’m really hoping the symptoms won’t be long term but given the fact I developed Fibromyalgia after a gnarly bug I had at the end of 2018, I’m very anxious and on edge about life post-Covid.

Finally, this past weekend was quite an experience. Now I’ll warn that there’s mentions of dentists and needles, so if that’s something you’re not great with, maybe scroll down to the next section of this post. My filling recently fell out which I was going to get put back in but before that happened, this Easter weekend I got the most ridiculous toothache. It made my entire skull hurt and no painkiller worked at all. I tried so hard to get an out of hours appointment but no luck until Easter Monday. When I got there I was told I could either get a root canal which may or may not work, or have the tooth taken out. I chose the latter because I didn’t want to chance it. The thing is, it took 10 doses of anesthesia to try and take the pain away with the tenth one needing this major needle in the back of my jaw. Even then I could still feel some sort of pain each time the dentist tried to grab my tooth. By the tenth she said “it’ll only take 20 seconds to yank it out, do you think you can handle it?” and so I braved it. That is, until the tooth snapped mid extraction! Yeah, not fun. To get the rest of the tooth and root out was a long haul and really stubborn but it eventually got out. 20 seconds was more like 10 and it was pretty traumatic but the toothache has gone, which is the biggest relief. I’m still a bit sore from the procedure but it seems to be doing well and hopefully will heal up in no time.

So healthwise, life has been chaotic to say the least…

Losing Louis

One of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with was losing my beautiful boy Louis last month. He was almost 9 years old and his loss was completely unexpected. Though he had arthritis, he was doing pretty well but we lost him in the same way we lost Pepsi a few years ago, due to an undetected heart condition that was caused by interbreeding. We were unaware but the place we got both Louis and Pepsi was a puppy farm in disguise who have since closed down for “personal reasons” but my guess is that they were eventually found out. Louis was an incredible dog, he felt like a cartoon character almost because his expressions were so animated and he was such a clever boy. He somehow taught himself pressure therapy which helped me when I was in sensory overload or anxious and he would always stay around me when I was in a fibro flare-up. It’s broken our hearts and poor Rosie has lost her best friend and doesn’t understand why, but she’s being so brave and I’m so proud of how she’s been handling all of this. Losing a dog is so painful, they’re truly a family member and more than “just a dog” that some (weird) people try to play off.

Back to blogging…

Now that I’ve decided to blog again, I’m still trying to decide on what content I want to create. I feel like I ended up burning myself out before (which is a bad habit of mine… need to try and work on that for sure!) so I don’t think I’m going to hold myself to a rigid schedule or try to keep up with other bloggers in the community because I don’t have that energy and ability anymore. But I think I’m going to blog about whatever topic I’m passionate about, share my travels and experiences, and I’m excited to start again!

Here’s to new beginnings!