Reality TV star and social media influencer, Kylie Jenner, just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and the world is in awe. Though I’m not a fan of Kylie’s or her family, I watched the video she uploaded about her pregnancy and listened to how her friends said that this is something she’s wanted since she was 15. It reminded me of when I’d be in school and even right up to today, where girls would talk about marriage and having kids, looking at them as long term goals – but for me, that was never the case.

For so long, I felt so abnormal because practically every single one of my peers would dream about how this is what they wanted in life and I didn’t. I just couldn’t see it. My two friends once talked about how they each had picked out a colour scheme for their weddings – one was having baby blue and the other wanted lime green. It made me realise how little effort I’d put into ever thinking about my own wedding. Did I ever even want a wedding?

don't want marriage or kids

I was told by adults when I was a kid and a teen that my “feelings would change” as I got older and everyone says that. So I waited. And waited. And when I reached my 20s, I felt as though any day I’d be feeling those feelings where I’d be broody or I’d dream of being married. But I didn’t. Friends gave birth and I loved their kids, but it didn’t make me want one of my own.

The pressure I felt was immense. Seeking a relationship has never been the forefront of my thoughts – especially since I’ve been dealing with severe mental health disorders since I was a child – but since being a teenager, everyone has always been obsessing over relationships, crushes, etc. and I felt odd. I felt left out. I felt as though I had to be like them but the truth was I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship. Sure, I had one or two crushes, but I never saw anything really happen with them. I often get told to download Tinder or join some activity of some kind because “maybe I’ll find a nice man” and the thought of it just really puts me in a down mood. Am I really that abnormal?

It’s taken me about a year or two to come to the terms with marriage and having kids are not my main goal in life. They just aren’t. It’s not that I have anything against any of it or hate kids, but it’s just not my focus.

I’ve been in love with writing for as long as I can remember and when I discovered pop culture writing, I soon crafted a dream. A dream of becoming a successful journalist who got to attend all the events, get interviews that really captured the musicians and actors in a different light, be able to just throw myself into my work and fall in love with it. I never once pictured marriage and pregnancy in this dream.

When I became a blogger, I joined different blogging communities and read a lot about travel from bloggers and I caught the wanderlust bug. I thought about a possible second dream about being a blogger who travels. I don’t have a set dream as such now I’ve had experience in pop culture journalism – it’s still something I’m passionate about, but I know it’s something that doesn’t have to be set in stone. Other things have fascinated me and I’m still indecisive on the path I follow.

don't want marriage or kids

Another crucial point into this is the fact that I missed out a lot for years because of my ill health and I still feel so far behind compared to my peers. There’s a lot I missed out on my teenage years which I feel will take up a good part of my 20s and maturing more. I’m still dealing with my ill health and it limits me from being an independent person. I can barely look after myself to the full extent so to have other people to be responsible for would definitely make me deteriorate.

I know this isn’t just something I feel, either. So many women are in my shoes here and there is a stereotype attached to us that we should create life and be a wife to a man, but why? Is that all life is meant to be? Find “the one”, procreate and then repeat? I, or any other women, do not owe society or the world children or a picture perfect relationship to please relatives and friends. It’s not the only thing we are capable of and we shouldn’t be expect to stick to that. Getting married or having kids doesn’t make a person whole. I don’t need a man to validate me. I make myself happy, I am learning to love myself and while love isn’t something I’ll disregard, it’s not something I will spend my life searching for. I couldn’t agree more with the quote “I may be alone, but I am not lonely” and think more people need to remember it.

Having said all of this, if I end up getting married and having kids, then that’s fine. It’s not that I’m against it, but it’s not what I want my main goal in life to be. At least not right now. There are so many amazing mothers and wives out there but if women don’t want this to be their lifestyle, they shouldn’t have to be pressured into it. There are so many successful women out there who are living the best lives and they don’t have a husband or offspring in sight. It doesn’t make them less of a woman and it doesn’t mean they haven’t succeeded in life.

What is your main goal in life? Does it involve marriage or kids?


Jazz is a Disney, tea and pop culture enthusiast with a passion for blogging. Also a proud introvert.

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  1. I think every point of view is good to observe and decisions that are of personal matter shouldn’t worry anyone else beside the one that is taking them. I can totally feel your point- even I had never had any wishes to become a wife or a mother (it’ just simply something I have never thought about it, like you said). I do leave my options open in case if I ever change my mind and every year I ask myself if anything changed but it never does. I say, if I ever feel 200 % like I want to have kids, then yes. But words like maybe, one day, possibly, you’ll see… don’t cut it. I like my life the way it is and I won’t force myself into anything I don’t feel doing/having. Especially for others sake (pressure from friends and especially family). That’s just how I am and I know there are many women out there who were born to be mothers and it’s good to see them happy 🙂 I mean, who knows, it might happen to someone like us one day and we’ll be telling a different story then. xx Maja

  2. It’s ridiculous the amount of pressure we are put under to conform to other people’s expectations of what is…Acceptable? I’ve actually had to say to people “Telling me that as I mature, what I desire will automatically become the same as what YOU desire, is utterly patronising. Enough!” It’s crazy that in 2018 this shit still happens.

  3. There is nothing wrong with not wanting marriage or children. You don’t have to follow the path of anyone else, and need to do what is right for you. Growing up, I always knew I wanted to get married and have children, but I never planned it that much. I didn’t have a dream wedding dress or colors or any of that picked out until I started seriously considering that I might marry my now-husband a few months before he proposed. I always knew I wanted to have two children about two years apart in age, but I never picked names or gave it more thought than that until I was pregnant with my oldest. I didn’t really date much as a teen either and never had a problem with it.

  4. I can totally relate to this. I have no desire to settle down and get married and have kids. I see all my friends having kids and getting married and the thought doesn’t inspire me, it doesn’t make me happy either. In fact I feel the complete opposite. For me having a family of my own would be a punishment and the thought actually makes me wanna throw up. I want to live every day of my life like it is my last ever, i want to travel and see the world, i just want to enjoy life not be lumbered with a husband and kids. People keep asking me if i have kids and i tell them no i don’t want any. I’m sick of the response being oh one day you will when you find the right person. I never want kids, in fact for years I’ve been wanting permanent contraception.

  5. I love this post!! It is so raw and vulnerable!! I love that you beat to your own drum and dont ever feel pressured to do otherwise!! you live you life the way you want it!!

  6. I don’t think marriage and kids are for everyone. People that know that or feel that way shouldn’t force themselves in that direction to make their families happy or pretend. If its meant to be it will be. I am married with kids and I’m sure I wanted kids when I grew up but I’m not sure how far out I planned with names or colors for wedding but, then again I didn’t grow up with Pinterest.

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