This is a bit of a different post compared to the usual, but is something I really want to talk about because I think it could be of great use to others who may be in this situation or something similar. I hate when a friendship comes to an end and I usually try and do whatever possible to try and prevent it from happening, but sometimes you need to end it yourself and it’s for the best. Here’s why cutting ties with someone toxic like my best friend was the best decision I made for myself.
I met Carlie* online back in 2012. People may see that as something eerie, but remember we are in the digital age and while how we met may sound cynical, it’s how I’ve met many of my friends and the majority have turned into some great, long lasting friendships. We shared a passion for the same singer and so we began talking. We’d talk daily and days turned into weeks into months and then into years. Over time, we’d take our chats from Facebook messages to Skype sessions where we would talk about anything and everything. We had a lot in common and just got on like a house on fire. In 2015, we took the biggest step in our friendship and finally met in person. I was going through such a hard time because my dad was back and forth the hospital and there was so much rubbish going on in my life. So Carlie decided to book a bus to come and stay with me for a few nights and it was the most exciting and fun thing to happen. The day before she came to stay, I went to a concert of our favourite artist (she sadly couldn’t make it due to work) and even got her a video message from him when I had the chance to meet him.
Carlie got on so well with my family and we had such a great time together;we got really emotional when she left. Even though there was a distance between us, we’d talk all the time and I could trust her more than any of my friends who lived locally. But then things changed. We just began to grow up and she started dating. I can’t tell you how many boyfriends I’d hear about and even talk to during our Skype sessions. Over the period of time that she would be with these guys, Carlie seemed to gain more of an attitude. I’d hear all these stories about parties, drugs and drinking and I felt uneasy. I lost a family member to alcohol, so that kind of stuff isn’t going to impress me. As time went on, I noticed her become more bitchy and snarky. After the second time we met, where she brought her overly controlling boyfriend with her, I could sense the girl I’d met months before was changing a lot. He’d have the say on what they did and they’d always go out for a drive, despite being guests at my place. He’d snap at me which there was no reason to, especially since I was hosting them free of charge at my place and my mother was catering for them. When she went home, not long after meeting my other friend, Soph*, she’d start bitching about her and make fun of her social media posts. She’d claim Soph was faking her sexuality for attention and just make all these horrible remarks. In my gut, I knew this was the beginning of the end.
Over time, she’d leave these bitchy comments on my Facebook posts. She always had to disagree with whatever I had to say and we’d end up clashing. Her comments would upset other friends of mine, too, and there’d be huge arguments all over my posts, which wasn’t great for my anxiety.
As it came up to the EU Referendum, I’d share posts relating to my opinion and why I’d be voting my decision. She’d constantly criticise this. Now, I know you shouldn’t argue over politics to the point that you lose friends – my dad and his best friend were polar opposite when it came to politics and would debate for hours but were still the best of friends – but it becomes personal when you are fighting for things that could drastically impact you and your situation. Arguments continued and it really hurt me. I also had her mother on Facebook who was very pro-Trump and sharing things which were racist, misogynist and just awful. It deeply upset me, so I quietly removed her with no explanation – so, really, I could have removed her for any reason. That night, 3am in the morning, her mother began attacking me over everything. She told me to “grow up and get a job” because of my own opinions.
I told her how I had to leave work due to chronic illness, to which she responded was “ridiculous” because “there’s a job out there for everyone.” For an adult of her age, you’d expect more maturity and not to get involved with her daughter’s friends. Of course, Carlie stood up for her and that was when I decided enough was enough. I didn’t need two ignorant people to attack me for no reason and make me feel awful. I told Carlie that that was it and proceeded to remove her from all social media and block her number.
I thought I’d have been heartbroken and while I mourned for the memories we shared, I actually felt a weight lift from my shoulders. It’s been a year since this happened and in that year I felt free. I didn’t have to stress or worry and in the words of Lily, I’ve “blossomed like someone that’s no longer got the world balanced on their shoulders.” Carlie tried contacting me on two separate occasions to get back in touch, but I stood my ground because I truly believe that cutting ties with someone toxic like her was the best thing I’ve ever done.
I wanted to share my experience because I know a lot of people have a tough time when it comes to cutting ties with someone toxic, but it really is for the best. Lily and I collaborated together for this post and you can read her amazing advice for cutting ties with someone toxic here.
Have you had the experience of cutting ties with someone toxic? How would you have handled my situation?
*Names have been changed for the privacy and protection of those involved
Jazz is a Disney, tea and pop culture enthusiast with a passion for blogging. Also a proud introvert.
I’m much older than you and my toxic friend was way before computers. We were in our 20’s and hit it off when we firs t met. A couple of other friends warned me that I’d be sorry. They were right – she could do drugs and call me begging for support in the middle of the night. I never did drugs and had a tough job in social services. I couldn’t fill my personal time with a “friend” who wanted to suck me dry.
I admire your strength and your ability to expose your vulnerable side in your writing. Your truth speaks ito me .
Good for you! Something a lot of people have a hard time with. PLUS, what was going on was obviously bullying!
You were strong and stood up to her so I expect she didn’t like that very much but you know what? That’s ok. Sometimes we grow and move on in our lives and it may be that you have moved apart. I think that friendships sometimes run there course. She was there in your life for a bit but now isn’t. There will be other friends. I enjoyed your post. #pocolo
Couldn’t agree more, I have been in a similar situationand nearly destroyed my family. Now I make sure that I and my number one. Of course be a friend but with caution X #pocolo
Sometimes in life it is better to walk away than keep dealing with the drama. I have had to do this too and it is difficult.
I’ve had a few toxic relationships both in the form of friends and family over the years and it hurts but doing what’s best for your mental health is important. I am glad you were able to do what was best for you and I you both find ways to be happy apart.
YES to this!!! Some relationships are just for a season! It is hard to say goodbye but sometimes you need to! #POCOLO
I’ve lost a friend who, in hindsight, was a toxic friendship. Just weeks before my wedding (that she was supposed to be in) she decided to let loose on me and my husband and it was horrible. I was upset that day, but the more it went on, and the more ridiculous she got, I realized that I actually felt relieved. That’s when I decided it was a toxic friendship and I was better off.
It’s all about surrounding yourself with people you like, and whom support and encourage you!
sorry to hear you’ve been through this, at 46 i’ve had my fair share of toxic relationships and people that have dragged me down, sadly its made me more cynical about making new friends as i’ve got older, i just don’t have the time to waste, better to have a few close friends than a lot of negative people in your life, glad you felt better once you’d cut ties #pocolo
Good on you! You are better off without toxic people in your life, trying to drag you down. It’s hard to do but it is better in the long run. #PoCoLo
I haven’t had a toxic relationship to this extent. How awful that someone could change so drastically like that to friend! I did have an online friendship go sour when I voiced my feelings on someone’s actions and stated I felt I could no longer have them in my life. To this day (over a year later) I still feel the repercussions of this but it just proves I made the right choice for me #pocolo
I can definitely relate to this. I used to be friends with someone who turned evil. Best thing i did was cut ties with them
Friends come and go from life. Sometimes you just have to move on with your own life and some friends you have to leave behind because of many reasons, but you never need toxic people apart of it.
Honestly, I know I keep saying this but I really am proud of you mate. You did so much for that person and got nothing in return. When you finally put yourself and your wellbeing first, it made my soul so happy. You deserve the best girl X
So sorry to hear about your experience, hope that you have some closure now and can put it behind you. xx
I’m so sorry you had to go through that dear. I am also in the same boat right now with my high school best friend and I feel as though we have outgrown each other and we no longer share that bond we used to have back then. I’m glad you had the realization that a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. Trust that people are removed from your life for a reason and you absolutely do not need that kind of negativity in your life. You’re a strong person for letting go instead of holding on to the friend you once had. Sending you lots of love and light, dear <3
You did good keeping strong. A lot of people need to learn to turn people away that are not good for them. Value your sanity and well-being above anything else.
It’s so hard to do this some times, but it’s so important to your health! It does almost feel like a bad breakup…but you have to do what’s best for you in life. <3
surrounding yourself with people you love, and who are supportive of you, is the most important thing to remember! =)
Sometimes it is better cut things out and get away from it. It will make your life more easier without those people.
I completely understand about cutting ties with toxic people. I have always tried to maintain mental distance with such people .
I have definitely had to go through this. It can be such a tough time because you have shared so many memories together, but your mental health is at stake if they are being nothing but toxic towards you.
It’s not easy to cut ties, but true friends won’t be toxic. If someone makes you uncomfortable and brings negative energy, it’s okay to let them go.
It can’t have been easy, but sounds the right decision. It is entirely possible to make friends online and sometimes it doesn’t work out, just in real life. Take care and stay strong, thanks for sharing with #PoCoLo